Should I take medication for my Bi-polar, psychotic disorder, schizophrenia, or schizoaffective diagnosis?

Deciding to make the courageous decision to take medication can be frightening and embarrassing. One might fear the side effects or be embarrassed by the thought that they require medication just so they can function when others can function without medication, or you might think that you don’t need medication and that your will power alone will be enough to control your mental illness or you may even think that you don’t have a mental illness and therefore definitely do not need medication. I have experienced all of these obstacles to taking medication. Let’s discuss them.

Fear of the side effects.

In this post I’m going to focus on the grand daddy of all medications for Bi-polar, psychotic disorder, schizophrenia, or schizoaffective disorder and that is antipsychotic medication. I say grand daddy because in my experience(having taken both mood stabilizers, and anti depressants as well ass antipsychotics) they have the most dramatic and powerful effect on the way one perceives reality. these are the medications that are believed in popular culture To cause one to sit still and stare into space and not engage with others. I can assure you this is not the case as I still take antipsychotics to this day and most would not even know that I have a mental illness or was medicated for it. But to better explain let me tell you about the first time I took an antipsychotic. The first time I was introduced to antipsychotics was the first time I was hospitalized for mental illness. I was being held in a mental hospital against my will by a judges order and I was experiencing mania, psychosis, delusions and OCD. I could not stop dancing and was having such strong OCD about the chemicals in food and water that I was refusing to eat, drink, or shower ( I believed the toxins from the water in the shower would absorb into my skin). They wanted me to take Risperidone which is a second generation antipsychotic (second generation antipsychotics were believed to have fewer side effects than first generation anti psychotics) however I feared that it would turn me into a zombie. I only voluntarily took it when they threatened to prevent me from transferring to a nicer facility(again I’m in their against my will by court order). Once I took it within about 10-15 minutes I became stone cold sober. What I mean is I immediately came into my right mind and realized how mentally ill I had been and that before taking the medication I was not thinking clearly. However I did go into an immediate heavy depression. I want to talk about why I think I experienced this heavy depression after taking an antipsychotic for a second. It is my belief that when one is manic in other words flying high one feels great especially if they are unaware that their behavior is not healthy (just like I was unaware of how mentally sick I was) but when the antipsychotic kicks in it brings you back down to earth. Thus going from a super high to feeling normal can result in(like in my case) in a depression or a low as compared to the high you had been on. Think about a car that is going 120 mph and all of the sudden trys to stop and brake, it will not be a pleasant decrease in speed it will be jarring and may even result in a crash. Which is another way I can explain how it made me feel it felt like a crash after too much coffee or hangover after too much alcohol. However I want to say that as unpleasant as this experience can be I cannot express strongly enough how important it is to get back down to earth any way you can, as fast as you can, even if it means crashing. If you allow yourself to continue to stay in a mentally unwell state, like being manic or psychotic, every second you stay in that state you damage yourself mentally and make recovery from your mental illness more difficult. Just like when you break a leg you need a cast and to stay off it and use crutches for a while. With mental illness refusing to take medication when you are sicker than you can control on your own it’s like running on a broken leg. You will only do damage to yourself and those you love and your relationships and life as a whole. Because you are mentally unwell you may be unaware of this damage to yourself (like somebody who doesn’t feel pain and runs on a broken leg is unaware of the damage they are doing to themselves) and others and that is why involuntary mental hospitals stays exist. Like the one I experienced. However the good news is that once you take an antipsychotic and come back down to earth than you recovery can begin. Before medication trying to live your life can be like riding a bull, your just holding on for dear life(although riding a bull is very exhilarating and stimulating, exciting one mighy say fun) however once medicated its like walking around on your feet instead of riding a bull, its much more manageable (not as exciting though it can feel very boring at first). So my advice to someone who is considering taking medication for their diagnosis I cannot encourage you enough to please take the medication. For those who have taken medication and felt this depression or boredom that I experienced my advice is to bear with the initial discomfort. If you stick it out eventually you and your mind will adjust and this depression or boredom will pass. That is what happened for me, after taking medication consistently and toughing it out through the initial tough few weeks and months I got to a much better place where life was much easier. It’s important that when you are on the medication to remember that you will adjust eventually and that you won’t feel that way forever. Much like a drug addict who quits drugs may go through withdrawal but if they tough it out they can break free from the cycle and get to a much healthier state. Mental illness like the ones we’re talking about in this post (schizophrenia/schizoafffective, psychotic disorder, and BI-polar) episodes of these conditions are very similar to being on drugs/high/intoxicated. You are not sober you are not thinking clearly and the chances of making bad decisions is heightened just like somebody who is intoxicated. So to conclude my advice its to take the medication with goal in mind of staying sober/clearheaded/lucid. Knowing that if you can think clearly you can make healthy choices and begin to recover from your illness.