Do You Feel That You Have Been Hurt by the Mental Health System?

If you do I’m so sorry I do too.

This post is for those who feel as if they were mistreated or even abused by the mental health system.

Let me start by sharing my first experience with the mental health system. While I actually started seeing a therapist when I was was 18 I’m going to skip past this initial experience and jump ahead to when I was around 22 years old and I was put under an involuntary hold at a mental hospital in North Carolina. I was experiencing mania, was delusional, psychotic, and experiencing such severe OCD that I wouldn’t eat or drink or shower because of fear of the chemicals in the food and water. My mother and her friends were the ones that convinced me to sign myself in although I did not know that this gave them the power to hold me against my will. I had been doing bizarre movements and had been acting strangely for several months and after a severe episode where it appeared demons were speaking through me my moms friend convinced me that they would get the demons out at the hospital. That they would have someone who could take care of that for me. So anyway I signed my self in to the facility and me and my mom’s friend(same ones that told me they would cast the demons out at the hospital) went in with me for an interview. I did not tell anyone that I believed I was possessed because I was afraid they would medicate me and I would spend my life in a drug induced haze locked up forever. After that they told me I was being committed because I was manic. I wanted to leave but this is where I found out I could not leave. I can’t express to you properly enough how scared I was. I was already suffering intensely from my mental health at home now I am locked in a hallway away from my family and sweet dog who comforted me greatly. I was so angry at the doctor that committed me I stared at him intently with great anger I wanted him to know how mad I was at him because I could see him through a glass window. He was laughing and smiling with who I guess was his co workers and I thought to myself how unfair It was that he has the power to hold me against my will and that I am suffering terribly and he doesn’t care he’s just hanging out with his co workers having a good time. Nobody told me how long I would be there and nobody explained why I couldn’t leave other than I was manic. I believe this was a serious error on this hospitals part. I believe one should only be held against their will if they’re a danger to themselves or others which I was not at the time. So I’m in this hallway for three days and I am falling apart mentally, emotionally, physically I was so unwell that I think I was beginning to hallucinate. Than finally a women sat me down to discuss what’s next and she wanted to know what was going on and I made on of the biggest mistakes of my life I lied. I told her about the bizarre movements but I said nothing about the demons. For anyone reading this who is afraid to say out loud what they’re experiencing for any reason I strongly encourage you too be honest and to tell someone what’s going on. Don’t hide it, or lie and deceive, people or yourself.. I believe that I may have been able to leave that very day if I hadn’t of lied. Anyway she scolded me for lying and they moved me to a basement where I had a room with my own bed. I think it’s also important to say at this time that my family and friends wanted me out nobody understood that once I was in there only a judge could release me. So this was a traumatic experience for everyone involved not just me. While I’m in this basement floor people are walking around talking to themselves, at one point I cried and begged to call my mom and a woman told me I couldn’t until morning. I felt mistreated and abused by these people. I was furious that I could not leave and was mad at everyone. Then they told me I could move to a much nicer facility which I really wanted to go too if I took some medicine. But I was afraid. Again here I believe they made a huge mistake that I disagree with. They never explained to me why I needed the medicine or what the medicine would do to me. So I was terrified but eventually the thought of staying in that basement motivated me to take the medicine. Then they transferred me to a very nice mental health facility. It was like a hotel I had my own room and bathroom, and shower and there was a community room with games and a tv. However the medicine made me feel very depressed and sober, and realizing where I was at in my life was frightening. I was still terrified of demons and I thought I was letting God down by taking the medicine. I was in a horror movie. It was horrible. I felt that I was mistreated by the staff. But I’ll stop there for now.

In summary my first real experience with the mental health system left me more traumatized than I was going in to the mental health system. I still struggle with that experience and I am 31 now, that experience was almost 10 years ago.

However I want to make it clear that I am for the mental health system and that in the end I am glad that I was involuntary committed. I believe the mental health system is doing their best but we are on the frontiers of the battle against mental illness and nobody’s perfect(except Jesus) therefore the system is imperfect. And something else I want to close with is that I was very difficult to the staff at these facilities. I learned in future stays that you should respect the people whose job it is to take care of you and that if you do they will respect you in return and your stay will go much better. I learned that lesson the hard way. So another piece of advice be courteous and respectful to anyone you come in to contact with in a mental heath facility, I truly believe nobody is out to get you, on the contrary they are trying to help you.